Spoons

I was thinking this morning that I have felt kind of FLAT this week.  

Maybe it's because that holiday we had at the beginning of the week has totally thrown me off and I have no idea what day it even is?  Maybe it's because my mom's gone (you know that feeling when you look forward to a thing and you want it to last forever, but unfortunately it can't?)  Maybe it's because there's not another upcoming big thing to look forward to until Thanksgiving?  Maybe it's because it's September and I still haven't quite made the transition from summer to fall?  

I really have no reason to feel flat.    

This morning, the Scout Master and I had a somewhat heated discussion about something that's been weighing on him lately.  Typically he doesn't worry about stuff and he doesn't conjure up the worst case scenario in his head the way I do.  But today, we switched roles.  He had big things on his mind.  I found myself getting unexpectedly passionate (no, not that kind of passionate!) listening to him complain about our "lot in life."  I hijacked his conversation completely, and felt the need to point out to him how abundantly blessed we are here in this amazing place where we live.  Really...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think that.  We are here for a reason...a million reasons.  And we have unexpectedly wonderful, miraculous things happen to us everyday that we totally don't deserve.  But they happen anyway.  

My friend, Allie, wrote a post on her blog last year about The Spoon Theory.  (You can go to her blog here if you want to read the entire post...it's a great one.  Or you can go to the original story here.) Here's the brief synopsis...

The girls were sitting in a cafe, and after the question was asked the sick girl thought to herself that this was a great opportunity to attempt to put into words what it was like to have her disease (she had lupus). She couldn't think clearly. As she looked around the restaurant to get her thoughts together, her eyes landed on a spoon. She gathered a bunch of spoons from the tables around her. She held the bouquet of spoons in her hand and handed them to her friend. Her friend just looked at her baffled. She explained how a healthy person doesn't have to really think about their day. They get up, go to work, come home etc. Their spoons are unlimited, if they run out they just get more. There is no thought given to any possibility of not being able to do exactly what they want to do each day, the spoons are infinite. Someone who is sick, has only a limited number of spoons. There is no possibility of getting more, and there isn't a stockpile of them somewhere.
She then asked her friend to explain her day. The girl spouted off how she gets up and goes to work etc. The sick girl snatched one of her spoons and said "NO". You only have a bouquet of spoons, you have to use them wisely. First you have to open your eyes and realize that you're late because you didn't sleep well that night-one spoon, then you have to make yourself creak out of bed and make breakfast so you can take your pills-one spoon. Each time you do something, even the smallest task it uses a spoon. If the spoons run out before the day is through then you are through for the day as well. You could possibly take a spoon from tomorrow's bouquet, but then you would be short the next day. Each day is full of decisions about what is worth a spoon. Some things are not even a choice, but they still require the spoon tax. 

As Allie's cancer continues to take it's toll on her body and her number of spoons dwindles, I'm thinking right now about the things I choose to do with mine.  I know that if given the opportunity, Allie would trade a month's worth of spoons to be able to make lunch for her children, or go to church with them, or walk them to school.  I wish I could share some of my spoons with her.

I'm thinking that some of that passionate lecture I gave the Scout Master this morning might have been for my benefit, too.  I have no reason to feel flat!  I'm so grateful that I don't have a responsibility outside my house that I need to get ready for in the mornings.  I'm so grateful that I don't have to hurry through the little things, like breakfast or scriptures, or driving to the high school.  I'm so grateful that we have enough...enough time, enough money, enough opportunity, enough spoons.  And I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to have that argument with the Scout Master this morning.  Apparently it was just what I needed to remind me again about that Spoon Theory and to re-inflate my flatness.