Daisy and Cloyd

Technically this is a Flashback Tuesday post, but I thought I'd disguise it today.  I've been slightly obsessed with ancestry.com for the past few weeks.   Late last month, I finally gave in and registered for full access to the site.  It's been totally and completely worth it.  I've LOVED getting lost in memories of my relatives.  Last week, I found a census record showing all of my grandmother's nine brothers and sisters. 

amazing, huh?

And then today, I happened to be digging through some boxes and found the mother lode of pictures.  Honestly, I have no idea how there could have been this many pictures in my house that I didn't even know existed.  And nearly all of them have names and dates written on the back!  (also amazing!)

That's my grandmother in the center and 6 of her brothers and sisters.

My grandmother was the youngest, so I didn't get to meet many of her older siblings, but I knew her sister, Gladys, and her brother, Cloyd.  

Uncle Cloyd and his wife, Daisy

Aunt Daisy and my dad

Uncle Cloyd and Aunt Daisy were my favorite.  And I think they must have been my dad's favorite, too, because we visited them a lot.  They lived fairly close to us when we lived in California, so we went there often.  They had a fairly modest home, but the backyard was huge.  It was long and skinny, and Uncle Cloyd had it completely filled with the tidiest, straightest, weedless, raised planter boxes full of vegetables and flowers.  They were high enough off the ground that he didn't even have to bend over to weed or harvest, and there were perfect gravel pathways separating each one.  At the end of the long rows, there was a HUGE greenhouse/garage where he kept his yard tools and starter plants.  I loved looking at all those baby plants, and admiring the meticulous way he took care of them.  I wish I had found a picture of that backyard because it was his pride and joy.  Everytime we came over, he would take us out to look at the vegetables.  I snacked on peas and tomatoes back there, and we always came home with a bag full of something.   

Aunt Daisy was delightful too.  She always wore dresses and a little strand of pearls.  Her hair was white and curly, like a little fluff of cotton on her head. And she wore cute little horn rimmed glasses.  Her bedroom housed all kinds of treasures and when my dad and Cloyd were distracted, she would sneak me back there and give me some beautiful little trinket to take home with me... jewelry or a little jar of lotion, or my favorite...a paper doll book!  (Oh man, I can remember with vivid clarity cutting out those little tabs...this was BEFORE perforated kind...and carefully folding them so that they would fit just perfectly on the doll.  Please tell me you know what paper dolls are...)  

My dad adored Daisy and Cloyd and therefore, I did, too.  I haven't thought about them in years, but all of a sudden, after seeing Cloyd's name on that census, I've had floods of memories come back.  Little reminders of them have been everywhere lately, and I have loved going back to such a happy place in my head.  I am so grateful for the family I grew up with and all the things they did to make my childhood so amazing.  

Institute

Every Monday morning during the school year, I get to attend an adult religion class from 9:30-11.  It is the 90 minutes during the week that I most look forward to.  Every week, the instructor manages to pull something relevant and personal out of the scriptures for me.  And judging by the number of people in the class, apparently I'm not the only one who feels that way.  It was so good to be back in that class this morning.

Today we talked about the stewardship we have over our spiritual gifts.  Each of us has been given a specific set of divinely inherited gifts that are ours to enjoy and share and magnify.  For a long time, I thought those were limited to the more-obvious, outward talents (like musical ability, athleticism, or cooking skills.)  In the last few years (being in your 40s does amazing things for your perspective) I've realized that there are many more spiritual gifts that are the less visible kind (like compassion, reliability, unwavering faith, and humility.)  I have a few of both kinds.  We also talked about the difference between having humility and discounting our abilities.  (YIKES!  He could have excused the entire room except for me on that one.  I'm not sure it was necessary for all of them to hear my biggest weakness!)  I have a few friends and family members who are brutally honest with me and are occasionally bold enough to tell me the things that I really need to hear.  One day I was berating myself for something I probably had no control over, and one of them became shockingly angry at me.  Until then, I hadn't really thought about how offensive it must be to Heavenly Father to hear His children being ungrateful and self deprecating.  I've tried really, really hard since then to be more aware when I start to do that.  It's still difficult to accept a compliment, but I'm getting better at just being gracious and saying, "Thank you."

There's a quote from one of my favorite movies about the very subject we talked about in Institute today.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented fabulous?"  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."  

- Marianne Williamson

The lesson today reminded me to be fearless and SHINE.  It reminded me to be grateful for the many spiritual gifts I've been given and to USE them!  I'm so glad it's September and that Institute has started again.  I'm looking forward to an amazing year.  

Be Good.  Be Patient.  Don't Forget.  

Notes from Church

There is always something in every block of church meetings that seems hand picked just for me.  And on the great days, when I'm open to things, almost everything seems to be just for me.  I LOVE days like that.  Today was one of those Sundays.  It has been a difficult weekend for the members of our ward, which I will write more about later in the week.  The first thing I felt when I walked into the building was the collective unity and support of every single person in the chapel.  No one had to speak it.  We all just knew.  It was the most amazing thing I have ever felt.  I have only known most of these people for two years, some even less than that, but today, under the circumstances, I felt bonded to each one of them as if they were my own family.  I am so grateful to be a part of a church community like this one.  

The talks today were amazing, too.  My ears always perk up when I hear anything about personal revelation.  One of the talks mentioned today in Sacrament was How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life by Elder Richard G. Scott.  I missed it during General Conference last April, but I have listened to it several times since then and LOVED it each time.  You can read the complete Conference talk here.

The Holy Ghost communicates important information that we need to guide us in our mortal journey. When it is crisp and clear and essential, it warrants the title of revelation. When it is a series of promptings we often have to guide us step by step to a worthy objective, for the purpose of this message, it is inspiration.

My favorite quote EVER is the one Julie B. Beck gave in General Conference in April 2010.  She said, "The ability to qualify for, receive and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life."  I believe that is true.  Over the years, I have lived my life in ways that have allowed me to hear floods of personal revelation on a regular basis about things that no one could know I needed to hear, except a loving Heavenly Father.  And I have also lived in ways that have allowed lots of distractions to impede my ability to qualify for and receive that inspiration.  I prefer the floods.  

One of the great lessons that each of us needs to learn is to ask. Why does the Lord want us to pray to Him and to ask? Because that is how revelation is received.

Every now and then, there are things that clutter my head.  No matter what I do, I can't seem to quiet the noise.  I worry and doubt and drive myself crazy trying to find answers to impossible questions.  During those times, I often try to reason things to death, and muster up all of my intellectual capacity to get answers.  And mostly what I end up with are headaches.  This morning, my head was cluttered with that kind of stuff again.  And then I remembered that I've actually ASKED about these specific things before.  I remembered the answers I got before, too, and how comforting they were.  They were unusual answers that didn't make sense when I received them, and don't make sense now.  But because I was in the right places, doing the right things, and asking with sincerity, I knew they were coming directly from Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost, and I didn't question them.  I just heard them and trusted.

When it is for the Lord’s purposes, He can bring anything to our remembrance. That should not weaken our determination to record impressions of the Spirit. Inspiration carefully recorded shows God that His communications are sacred to us. Recording will also enhance our ability to recall revelation. Such recording of direction of the Spirit should be protected from loss or intrusion by others.

I didn't write those things down then, but I wrote them today.  I'm a recording kind of a person, I think.  That desire is innate in me.  That's the whole reason I can't throw away pictures, and the reason I have 500 journals, and that probably explains the 510 posts in the last 640 days.  

I am so grateful for remembrance.  I'm grateful for vivid dreams and for the little inspirations that come throughout the day.  And I'm grateful for Sundays that are sprinkled with all the uplifting things I need to hear.  

Multi-Stake Dances

My friend Amy and I chauffeured about 10 kids to Carrollton for a Multi Stake dance tonight and then stayed to chaperone.  We were sort of secretly planning to sneak out and go to Target or get some yogurt in the middle (because those dances are always so over-populated with adults) but the dance was SO much fun to watch that we couldn't bring ourselves to leave.  The music was unusually awesome and everyone danced!  I don't think anyone wanted to leave any more than we did.  You could feel the collective sigh in the gym when the DJ announced the last song.  :(

Flowering Buttercup and her friends met some cute boys from the Dallas Stake last year when they were all involved in Jubilee, and they made the long drive north to go to this dance with the girls.  All four were really nice boys and they all looked like they were having a great time.  

I love the opportunities Flowering Buttercup has to meet so many great kids from all over the Dallas area who have similar standards and values.  And I'm so excited for the next several years of Stake dances that we have to look forward to with our three upcoming little dancers. 

High Five for Friday

How can it already be Friday?  

Here are some highlights from a great week captured on my phone...

1.  LOVE this place!  Best salmon tacos EVER!

2.  LOVE finding great deals on stuff we need.  That little desk was $40 at Kohl's this weekend!

3.  LOVE LOVE LOVE these shoes!

4.  LOVE PROGRESS! 

5.  and SUPER LOVE hanging out with my family!

Hope you had a great week, too, and that your upcoming weekend is amazing!!  

Spoons

I was thinking this morning that I have felt kind of FLAT this week.  

Maybe it's because that holiday we had at the beginning of the week has totally thrown me off and I have no idea what day it even is?  Maybe it's because my mom's gone (you know that feeling when you look forward to a thing and you want it to last forever, but unfortunately it can't?)  Maybe it's because there's not another upcoming big thing to look forward to until Thanksgiving?  Maybe it's because it's September and I still haven't quite made the transition from summer to fall?  

I really have no reason to feel flat.    

This morning, the Scout Master and I had a somewhat heated discussion about something that's been weighing on him lately.  Typically he doesn't worry about stuff and he doesn't conjure up the worst case scenario in his head the way I do.  But today, we switched roles.  He had big things on his mind.  I found myself getting unexpectedly passionate (no, not that kind of passionate!) listening to him complain about our "lot in life."  I hijacked his conversation completely, and felt the need to point out to him how abundantly blessed we are here in this amazing place where we live.  Really...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think that.  We are here for a reason...a million reasons.  And we have unexpectedly wonderful, miraculous things happen to us everyday that we totally don't deserve.  But they happen anyway.  

My friend, Allie, wrote a post on her blog last year about The Spoon Theory.  (You can go to her blog here if you want to read the entire post...it's a great one.  Or you can go to the original story here.) Here's the brief synopsis...

The girls were sitting in a cafe, and after the question was asked the sick girl thought to herself that this was a great opportunity to attempt to put into words what it was like to have her disease (she had lupus). She couldn't think clearly. As she looked around the restaurant to get her thoughts together, her eyes landed on a spoon. She gathered a bunch of spoons from the tables around her. She held the bouquet of spoons in her hand and handed them to her friend. Her friend just looked at her baffled. She explained how a healthy person doesn't have to really think about their day. They get up, go to work, come home etc. Their spoons are unlimited, if they run out they just get more. There is no thought given to any possibility of not being able to do exactly what they want to do each day, the spoons are infinite. Someone who is sick, has only a limited number of spoons. There is no possibility of getting more, and there isn't a stockpile of them somewhere.
She then asked her friend to explain her day. The girl spouted off how she gets up and goes to work etc. The sick girl snatched one of her spoons and said "NO". You only have a bouquet of spoons, you have to use them wisely. First you have to open your eyes and realize that you're late because you didn't sleep well that night-one spoon, then you have to make yourself creak out of bed and make breakfast so you can take your pills-one spoon. Each time you do something, even the smallest task it uses a spoon. If the spoons run out before the day is through then you are through for the day as well. You could possibly take a spoon from tomorrow's bouquet, but then you would be short the next day. Each day is full of decisions about what is worth a spoon. Some things are not even a choice, but they still require the spoon tax. 

As Allie's cancer continues to take it's toll on her body and her number of spoons dwindles, I'm thinking right now about the things I choose to do with mine.  I know that if given the opportunity, Allie would trade a month's worth of spoons to be able to make lunch for her children, or go to church with them, or walk them to school.  I wish I could share some of my spoons with her.

I'm thinking that some of that passionate lecture I gave the Scout Master this morning might have been for my benefit, too.  I have no reason to feel flat!  I'm so grateful that I don't have a responsibility outside my house that I need to get ready for in the mornings.  I'm so grateful that I don't have to hurry through the little things, like breakfast or scriptures, or driving to the high school.  I'm so grateful that we have enough...enough time, enough money, enough opportunity, enough spoons.  And I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to have that argument with the Scout Master this morning.  Apparently it was just what I needed to remind me again about that Spoon Theory and to re-inflate my flatness.  

Mom

I've written a lot in past posts about my childhood and the fact that I was adopted.  (If you haven't yet read those posts and you're curious, you can go here and here.)  I'm sure most people think it's great when their moms come to visit them, but it's kind of a BIG deal when my mom comes.  This is only the second time she's been to our house and spent time with my kids.  They absolutely adore her!  She has forged such solid bonds with all of them in such a short time.  I am amazed at how completely effortless that has been.  

A couple of times this weekend, I passed the guest room and saw Mack flopped on Nana's bed asking her a million questions about Hawaii and my cousins and whatever else floats around in the mind of a 9-yr-old.  

Flowering Buttercup and I had to sneak to the restroom once (or twice) during our marathon shopping trip on Saturday, and she said, "Mommy!  She's JUST like us!  She looks like us, and she says the same stuff that we say, and she sits like we sit in the car." (we always sit with our feet tucked up underneath us when we're in the car...no matter how short the trip.)  

I don't know why I continue to be surprised by the similarities, especially in the three of us.  There are a lot of them and they're pretty glaring.  It's fun to be like someone else.  It's even more fun when you're like them because you came that way and not just because you live with them.  Apparently genes run strong in this family.  

We dragged my mom all over Allen and she never complained and never got tired.  I think I had to sit down more often than she did.  She is so kind and generous and so nice to everyone around her.  I can see that I'm just like her on the outside, but someday I hope to be just like her on the inside, too.  She is absolutely amazing and I'm so happy to have her and to be part of her.  I'm hoping there aren't so many months between now and her next visit, though.  This one was way too short!

Flashback Tuesday

Well, we are officially inundated with school at our house!  We packed in as much last minute shopping and eating as we could yesterday since it was our last official day with Nana (more on my mom's visit tomorrow...)  But at 7:30pm, after all the playing, my kids finally dragged all the homework assignments out of their backpacks!  

The one and only thing I say over and over again in this house is "Work first, then play!"  (ok, there might be a couple of other things I say a lot.)  But my theory is, if you get your work out of the way, you can play all day long.  And how much more fun is it to play WITHOUT your mom nagging you to do your homework or clean your room?  

Mack had to decorate the cover of a composition book with pictures of things he loves.  (That was kind of a fun project actually.)  June had something, but she's so secretive about her stuff and such an independent worker that I really have no idea what it was.  She finished right at 9:00pm.  Spell Girl had a history test to study for and another small project to do on the 50 states and their capitals (easy peasy...she was done in 30 minutes.)  And then there was Flowering Buttercup...she has a SUPER hard schedule this year!  Spanish 2, World History, English, Algebra 2, Geometry, and Chemistry (oh yeah...and choir.)  She doubled up on math instead of taking a second elective because she wanted to be able to place out of it in college.  And all of those happen to be Pre AP classes because she's much more driven than I ever was.  She was still up and muttering something about hating chemistry at 11:15pm when I got in bed. 

Watching them study and think and stress brought back floods of memories, good and bad ones.  I was a good student, but I remember plenty of tests I was totally unprepared for and projects I should have spent more time on.  As I cleaned up the kitchen last night, threw a load of laundry into the dryer, and snuggled in bed to read a few pages of my book before falling asleep, I had this overwhelming feeling of gratitude that I will never again have to study for a Chemistry test or do Algebra homework!   I'm so happy to be on the supporting end as my children go through the next 10 or so years of high school and college.  

University of Texas, October 1987 (I was in charge of bulletin boards in my dorm)

I could totally fit that little car into the smallest parking places on campus!

my roommate and BFF...so many amazing adventures with her 

my dorm room and friends from a neighboring men's dorm (super nice guys!)

I am so grateful for an amazing, enlightening, happy college experience.  And even more grateful to be right here, right now with kids who have all those things yet to come.  (If we can just make it through all this homework.)  


btw...I just read a cute post today from another blogger called "Time Capsule" and I'm thinking I might steal that for these Tuesday posts...because, well, stealing is the highest form of flattery, right?  (or is that imitation?)  It's kind of been bugging me that "Flashback" and "Tuesday" don't both start with the same letter.  Time Capsule Tuesday sounds so much better, don't you think?  (I'll let you know what I decide...or you'll probably just figure it out when next week's post is called "Time Capsule Tuesday")

Grazing

I've always been one of those people who's more content to just graze throughout the day than to eat three big meals.  That's about the only part of my life that wants to be balanced and steadily paced.

I'm also one of those people who's kind of passionate about stuff in an unbalanced, unhealthy, unsustainable kind of way.  I love stuff...lots of it (hence the blog...)   And when I love it, I want to do it all the time.  I never want the date to end or the family to go home.  I hate getting to the end of a great book or movie.  I can linger over lunch with a good friend for HOURS.   Because I've never had a very good track record for being balanced, and the results of that (crashing and burning...and taking everyone out with me) aren't exactly working out, the people in my fleet have been suggesting that I try something different.  

Balance...exercise for a little while everyday, read a few pages everyday, write for a specific length of time everyday, get enough sleep...

Even though I love and trust my fleet, I've been totally resisting this one!  I didn't get why I couldn't just have a Book of Mormon Read-a-Thon every other day.  Or why I can't index 5,000 names in a week.  (I'm kind of like a 3-yr-old sometimes, I think, wanting Christmas everyday.)    

This week, I had to explain to Mack why he couldn't eat ALL of the vitamins in one day.  "They only work the way they're supposed to when you take them one at a time....once a day.  If you try to eat all of them at once, they don't help your body anymore.  They hurt it.  Too much of even something good, can be bad for you."  (Brilliant, huh?)

Then in church yesterday, a goofy, awkward 13-year-old stood up and bore his testimony about pacing ourselves and not trying to run faster than we can, or do everything in one single day. He even told the Bishop right there on the stand that he didn't think a 48 hour event was the best way to read the Book of Mormon.  (amazing, huh?  the one person in the ward that I was probably least likely to listen to and he happened to say the thing I most needed to hear.)

And then I found this among my emails...

Think someone's trying to tell me something?  

(I can hear it, but I can tell you I haven't quite committed to it yet because it's now 1:18am and I've been writing for 3 hours...because the Stuff I Love was starting to overflow the boxes in my head... and because the music is too good to turn off and walk away from...)

Details

Today in church, my favorite "regular" testimony sharer talked about how amazed he was at the DETAILS of the gospel that have been recorded in the scriptures.  He said that since January, he has finished the entire Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, and the Priesthood Manual!  (Whew!  I can barely get through one of those in a year!)  He's starting on the Old Testament now...there are lots of DETAILS in there. 

He's an aerospace engineer, so he told a story about the Hubble telescope and all the DETAILS that have been captured with that thing pointed into the darkness.  Billions of stars in the sky, billions of people on this planet, and somehow Heavenly Father is aware of every one of us.  He hears when we pray about even the most insignificant thing.  If we have the faith to ask, He has an answer, because the details matter to Him.  I love that.  I love being one of those details.