Notes from Church

Sometimes church isn't what I expect.  The Christmas program is always one of my favorites because it's the one time of the year when we get to sing and sing and sing those beautiful Christmas hymns.  Oh, how I wish we could sing them all year long!  This year's program wasn't quite what I expected.  We have a new choir director who has had to work against overwhelming odds to pull together even one song for Christmas.  We sang Joy to the World.  But that was it.  The Primary sang.  And there was one other special musical number.  And a handful of speakers who spoke about things other than Christmas.  We discussed Moroni Chapter 7 in Gospel Doctrine, and "Seeing the Potential in Others" in Relief Society.  Why do we not set aside the entire day to talk about the birth of the Savior?  And sing songs that are about the birth of the Savior?  What a shame that December is now nearly over and we haven't once sung "O Little Town of Bethlehem."  (sigh...)

But even though the meetings weren't exactly Spirit-filled for me today, the Spirit still managed to sneak up on me...as usual.

There is an older couple in our ward who recently moved here from Arizona.  They are retired, empty nesters and they are delightful.  We had the pleasure of sitting in front of them for the first time today in church.  When the opening hymn started, I heard myself singing and recognized the familiar voices around me, but there was a new voice from behind me that I had not heard before.  It was this new brother behind me singing so beautifully that I had to stop and just listen.  His voice was so clear and so perfect that I was completely overwhelmed.  I barely sang the hymn and instead just chose to listen to his beautiful voice for all four measures.  I listened for him to sing the Sacrament hymn and later the closing hymn, and that satisfied my longing for beautiful music today.  His voice behind me, standing out above all the other voices in the congregation, was better than the Primary and the choir and all the speakers combined.  I told him afterward that it was a pleasure to sit in front of them today.  (And I will secretly be finding ways to sit near them in the future.)

I found out later that this man used to be in the St. Louis Opera Theatre.  Well, no wonder he was so amazing...

And I also found out that he now suffers from dementia.  So, even though he has been blessed with this amazing and beautiful gift, he isn't able to perform publicly anymore because he can't trust his mind.  He is able to retain things from the past, but has difficulty with short term memory.  I felt so privileged to have accidentally sat in front of that couple today.  I don't know how many other people will get to hear that voice since he doesn't share it publicly anymore, but I loved that little tender mercy of getting to be one of the few.  

I am so grateful for the talents we've been given.  I don't understand all of the mysteries of the world...why people suffer with illness and mental challenges, why we have to wait for things, why we don't all have the same abilities and talents, and why some of us choose not to share what we have.  But I am so grateful for the beautiful tenor voice that sang behind me today, and that even though it is impeded at the moment, it is still such a wonderful gift to the people who get to sit near it.  He reminded me to use my own talents more often, and that time flies by very very quickly and situations change.  I am quite sure that sweet man's voice will be numbered among those angelic voices that will bless all of us in the next life.

Uninhibited

Yesterday morning, most of us slept in.  But bright and early at 10:00am I heard uninhibited singing coming from one of my kids' rooms.  I knew immediately which one it was.  I only have one child who is completely uninhibited.  She was still in bed with her iPod, singing at the top of her lungs...

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight

forever's gonna start tonight

once upon a time I was falling in love

now I'm only falling apart

there's nothing I can do

total eclipse of the heart

I had to sneak up close to the door so I could hear the words better...

...and take a quick picture

I was amazed by two things while I listened to her sing.

#1  She thinks this is a new song that only people between the ages of 12-18 know about.  I didn't want to ruin it by telling her that I sang that song everyday from 1983-1987.  Everything comes full circle, doesn't it?...even Bonne Tyler.

#2  I am pretty darn jealous of this girl's uninhibited-ness.  I was never like that growing up.  I always wanted to be, but I could never quite get past all the people I thought were looking at me.  June just doesn't care.  She's the one I ask to walk into the grocery store and grab a quick something when I look like a mess.  She's the one who always volunteers to ask the neighbors for a cup of milk or an egg when I run out.  She's the one who always jumps at the chance to be in a picture, perform in a talent show, or meet someone new.  She's been working all weekend on a Power Point presentation so that she can run for Choir President on Tuesday.  This girl is seriously unbelievable.  I love that she is sure of herself and confident in her abilities no matter what.  I love that she is adventurous and daring and that at the end of her middle school and high school years she will have had countless great experiences.  It was so fun to hear her singing at the top of her lungs just because she loved the song.   Someday maybe I'll be a little more like June and sing without any inhibition.  But for now, I'll just be content to lurk outside her door listening and wondering where in the heck she gets her fearlessness. 

Institute

Every Monday morning during the school year, I get to attend an adult religion class from 9:30-11.  It is the 90 minutes during the week that I most look forward to.  Every week, the instructor manages to pull something relevant and personal out of the scriptures for me.  And judging by the number of people in the class, apparently I'm not the only one who feels that way.  It was so good to be back in that class this morning.

Today we talked about the stewardship we have over our spiritual gifts.  Each of us has been given a specific set of divinely inherited gifts that are ours to enjoy and share and magnify.  For a long time, I thought those were limited to the more-obvious, outward talents (like musical ability, athleticism, or cooking skills.)  In the last few years (being in your 40s does amazing things for your perspective) I've realized that there are many more spiritual gifts that are the less visible kind (like compassion, reliability, unwavering faith, and humility.)  I have a few of both kinds.  We also talked about the difference between having humility and discounting our abilities.  (YIKES!  He could have excused the entire room except for me on that one.  I'm not sure it was necessary for all of them to hear my biggest weakness!)  I have a few friends and family members who are brutally honest with me and are occasionally bold enough to tell me the things that I really need to hear.  One day I was berating myself for something I probably had no control over, and one of them became shockingly angry at me.  Until then, I hadn't really thought about how offensive it must be to Heavenly Father to hear His children being ungrateful and self deprecating.  I've tried really, really hard since then to be more aware when I start to do that.  It's still difficult to accept a compliment, but I'm getting better at just being gracious and saying, "Thank you."

There's a quote from one of my favorite movies about the very subject we talked about in Institute today.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented fabulous?"  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."  

- Marianne Williamson

The lesson today reminded me to be fearless and SHINE.  It reminded me to be grateful for the many spiritual gifts I've been given and to USE them!  I'm so glad it's September and that Institute has started again.  I'm looking forward to an amazing year.  

Be Good.  Be Patient.  Don't Forget.