What if it was something you LOVED!?
What if you could NEVER have it again?? ...like EVER??
I've been experimenting with food lately and I've discovered that I can't eat anything with sugar in it. At all. In any form. Or any amount.
When I eat a cookie (or several cookies,) or have cereal, or indulge in dessert of any kind, and especially if my whole day has a sugar theme to it, I instantly go into this euphoric, groggy, sleepy state...like the tryptophan effect after Thanksgiving. And then, whether I give in to the nap or not, about an hour later, my mood plummets into one of a handful of things: grumpy, irrational, hopeless, angry, easily offended, worried, frustrated, selfish, OCD, frenzied, insecure. I haven't figured out yet which sugary thing turns me into which monster. It might just be like a giant roulette wheel of multiple personalities in my head. But, the fact is, it happens, it's uncontrollable, I hate being there, and it's a direct result of carelessness with food.
So, if you KNEW that if you ate a donut, there was a 100% chance you would turn into Frankenstein within the hour, would you ever eat one? Probably not, right?
My daughter KNOWS that she has a severe allergy to tree nuts. When she eats even a microscopic speck of an almond, a walnut, a pistachio, or a cashew (those are the worst) she goes into anaphylactic shock. Her throat closes up. Her face swells. She gets hives all over her little body. That's a pretty good deterrent for her. She isn't crazy about that feeling and therefore, she NEVER eats those things. She inspects every dessert that isn't made by her mother. She turns down anything questionable. She won't go near a granola bar. And we also have precautions in place so that if she ever accidentally ingests a nut, she can administer to herself a dose of anti-nut-venom (otherwise known as an Epi-pen.) So far, we haven't ever had to use the Epi-pen, but she carries one in her backpack and we have one at home...just in case.
You'd think it would be that black and white with me, wouldn't you?
I've tried some really drastic experiments, like eliminating all white stuff (flour, sugar, potatoes, rice, pasta, bread) for awhile (sometimes a weekend detox, sometimes up to 10 days.) And guess what! The longer I stayed away from sugar, the more even-tempered I was. I had more energy, slept better, looked better, felt better, and lost a little weight.
Success should equal repetition, right?
Well, apparently only until the first holiday rolls around.
I am not a candy freak, by any means. I could go my whole life and not miss Peeps or Jelly Beans or M&Ms or gummy things. But something about putting small handfuls of them into colorful plastic eggs and throwing them on the grass makes that candy SO much more enticing. I wonder if broccoli would look as good stuffed inside a plastic egg??
I gave in to every sugary temptation that crossed my path on Sunday. And that led to a weakened resolve on Monday. And then there were 50% off Easter sales, and I'm such a sucker for anything on sale. And then I thought that since I was already off the wagon, I might as well just give in to the temptation I was really struggling with and get the dang Vanilla Bean Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. And I'm sure you can see how my life might have spiraled out of control in just 72 hours???
So, last night, as I sat curled up in my room like a wounded porcupine, I wondered if maybe all that sugar had had an effect on my typically sunny personality. I'm pretty sure it did.
So I decided that I needed some absolutes. Things I can NEVER eat again...unless I'm willing to suffer the consequences. I'm an all or nothing kind of a girl, and the ALL sugar method isn't working, so in desperation I'm trying the NOTHING method.
And I'm displaying them here...on this blog...publicly...so that it will be like a declaration. And also, so that if you ever see me in The Cheesecake Factory you have permission to drag me the heck out of there.
Haunani's official DO NOT CONSUME list
chocolate(I had to name those things specifically because I would find a way to get to them if I didn't)
anything from a convenience store
anything from a drive thru (except Sonic ice)
Diet DP, Diet Coke and any other form of caffeinated bubbles (aka Liquid Satan) are also on that list, but they've been there for awhile, and aren't as much of a temptation. I know better after a year of battling with that absolute.
Does that make your heart break to see all that stuff on that list? Yep...mine too.
But, I know it's the right thing to do. I know that when I've made the effort before, I've been so much happier and not missed all that stuff at all. I see great things as a result of sticking to that list of absolutes. I prefer the longer list of REPLACEMENTS that I have on my fridge.
Maybe this should be another LAUNCH update, because um...here we seem to be going again...LAUNCHING into something crazy, foreign, scary and with no guarantees of success. But since I did that whole Book of Mormon pageant thing, I'm feeling pretty confident flying out of my little nest. Hopefully this LAUNCH will be just as successful.
Wish me luck!