Tuesday, August 2, 2016

The Middle

I have the patience of a flea...

Seriously, the longer I live, the more I realize just how ridiculous I am, and how much crying I could eliminate from my life if I would just remember the last time I jumped to conclusions...

Months ago, when Savannah was companions with Sister Fast, who she adored, I decided to write to Sis Fast Senior (the mom) and tell her how much we appreciated her daughter and how grateful we were for the companionship they had.  It was a little gushy, but I really wanted her to know how much we loved her daughter and what a huge change it was for Savannah to have a companion she loved instead of the previous one who had "challenged her" so much right out of the MTC.  Anyway, I felt inspired to say it, and Sister Kimball's voice was ringing in my ears...

...so I wrote the email and hit send.

And then...nothing.  

I really didn't EXPECT a gushy reply about how much she loved Savannah, or how we should be BFFs now that our daughters were companions, although that would have been great.  But after a few days, I was a little disappointed that I hadn't gotten anything.  

So I did what I always do... I worried.  I worried about all the possible reasons she might not have loved what I said.  I worried that maybe Sis Fast didn't love Savannah as much as Savannah loved her.  I worried that I had accidentally offended her somehow.  And I dissected the heck out of that email over and over and over again.  

And then guess what...yesterday morning, more than 4 months after I wrote that email, long after I had given up hope, I received a reply.  A super nice, sufficiently gushy, very apologetic one, by the way.  Not that she had anything to apologize for...

And what I realized when I read it at 6:00am on what normally would have been Opposition Monday, was that...

1. I'm ridiculous.

2. I have the patience of a flea.

3. I need to stop personalizing everything and assuming a lack of response = someone hates me or even that I've done something wrong.  Maybe they're just in a bad mood, or having a bad day, or busy, or shy, or waiting to compose the right email and then it takes too long and then they're embarrassed because it took so long.

4. Sometimes when I think I'm at the end of a thing and I'm so super disappointed at the way it turned out, I'm actually just in the middle...and I just need to stop and breathe, and hold my dang horses,  and not jump to conclusions, and just be calm and keep waiting.  It may not turn into a thank you note, or a new BFF, or a viral blog post like I hoped, but it will turn into what it's supposed to be, and it will be enough.

5. Heavenly Father has got this!  Sheesh...how many times can I say this to myself and still not have it written in my heart?  He's got all of it. So stop crying and stop worrying and just let Him handle it. 

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