Thursday, April 14, 2016


Um...I might be starting to freak out just a little.  

I've been up since 4:30 this morning thinking too much and making lists, and I'm pretty sure whatever tiny shreds of rational organization I might have had are gone.  

I'm starting to lose track of that prioritizing skill I sometimes have.  Like...why does it even feel like it's so important to clean out the car this morning when there's so much other stuff to do?  And why are the laundry baskets and trash cans overflowing today, but the gas tank is on empty??  So right now, the dishwasher is going and I've done two loads of laundry and taken out all the trash in the house, and I'm writing a completely unnecessary blog post, but have I gotten dressed or brushed my teeth yet?  Nope.  

I will NOT make the bed today... I will NOT make the bed today...

And I remembered at 3:30 this morning that I need to get red lipstick for this concert because I haven't owned any since the last time I was in DMCO and apparently lips are invisible under bright concert lighting.  And the Alto II section has made a pact that we will all wear our red lipstick tonight...I can't remember why, though.  

And then I also remembered that I haven't actually tried on my dress in about two months since I stopped eating food and I'm not entirely sure if it even still fits anymore...maybe I won't bother to do that, because there isn't much I can do at this point if it's too big, and that would just be one more thing to worry about.  And really, how big could it be?

And Jenny Oaks Baker...?  Ten thousand things still left to do for her...  

And probably I should at least run through all that DMCO music before 5:00 tonight.  

We have a five hour rehearsal tonight.  More than three hours of sleep would have been nice.

I'm sure it will all work out.

UPDATE 11:30pm:
First, Jenny Oaks Baker is amazingly talented and so kind and graceful.  She is one of those talented people who makes you stop whatever you're doing and watch her, whether you like the violin or not.  She makes you want to be better at your own talent, whatever that may be, so that you can also be amazing at something.  And all those things that I've been so worried about all week?  Yes, they mattered a little, and yes they might have made a tiny difference, but's food and flowers and she's Jenny Oaks Baker, for heaven's sake.  Would she really have complained about any of those things?  Nope.  It was nice to be part of providing the background stuff that made her stay here more comfortable.  I live for that stuff and I love that Stephanie knew that and asked me to take on that responsibility.  But really, all the worrying...and fretting and lists?  Totally unnecessary...  

Second, our 5 hour rehearsal turned into about 6, I think, by the time we finally walked out of that church last night, but it was still totally worth it.  I am completely and totally exhausted in every possible way this morning and wish I could just sleep until 3:00 when I have to be back, but I'm sure the adrenaline and excitement will make up the difference once I walk in there this afternoon.

And finally, even after all that singing, and being herded up and down stairs, on the risers and off the risers, and mostly standing the whole time, these amazing women wanted to take a selfie to remember the night.  They make it a joy to be there.  Why did I wait three years to become friends with them?  


  1. Oh you poor thing....
    Going in all those directions...
    But true to form, your kind soul trying to keep it all together.
    Breathe. Just take a moment to breathe.
    And take one thing at a time.
    And don't forget...make some time for some freshly washed jammies, a comfy couch, a bag of chips and some ME time.
    Love ya!!!!!!
    P.S. I know you will rock that red lipstick!

    1. Do you know what I am the most overwhelmed by in times of crisis like this? That there are people in my world who are not scared off by my insanity! How is it that you are so sweet and supportive and not considering deleting my blog and my number from your phone??
      My kitchen is covered in sticky notes. I have told all of my kids the same story 10 was a good one, but they're tired of hearing it. They're quite concerned about my mental health today.
      I sat in the car after I dropped everyone off at school and just sang a non-concert song for a minute and just tried to remember to breathe. Thanks for sending advice and love from across the miles. I totally appreciate it.
      P.S. I couldn't stand it and I made the bed. :(

  2. Good luck - I know everything will work out and you will be amazing!