You don't have to HAVE something all the time to love it, right? Balance has always been one of those elusive things for me. I have it occasionally, but as soon as I realize I have it, it somehow slips away. But I can happily say that I have experienced it often enough to know that I LOVE it.
Balance for me = spiritual, personal, physical, and mental contentedness...not always JOY or EXCITEMENT, but just that quiet, contentment when I look around at my life and feel glad to be exactly where I am, hopeful for the future and grateful for right now.
This is my last full day by myself before school ends on Friday. The next three days will be filled with more end of the year activities, celebrations, lunches, and half days. Knowing this, I carefully carved out the entire day and planned to "tank up" on peaceful tranquility before the school year ends.
I listened to two incredible Conference talks from last October.
Faith and Character
I played the piano.
I listened to music.
I wrote in my journal.
And I watched Oprah's Season 25 Finale that I've been saving since last week.
All day long, I've tried to fill the day with good things, and to store all the things that will help me to be balanced and "awesomely enthusiastic" when the kids are home everyday. But, as 3:00 rapidly approaches, I'm starting to feel more panic than enthusiasm.
And I'm also realizing that you can't store balance. It's not very realistic to think that in one day, I can store all the quiet and spirituality I'll need for the next three months. And I think I might be exaggerating the situation a little in my head. It's possible, even with four kids home from school, a family trip across the country planned, and yet another move coming up, that I will have a place and an opportunity to be quiet once or twice before August. (Maybe that 5:30am thing will come in handy over the summer.)
So, as I make the transition right now from ALONE and PEACEFUL to ATTENTIVE and CONNECTED, I'm grateful that I have had the last 6 hours and the last 9 months to know what BALANCE feels like, and I look forward to carving out creative ways to be BALANCED over the summer.