Life Lessons Update

I've been a mom of teenage girls long enough to know that they don't need any help magnifying a small problem into a catastrophic event.  Just a conversation between two 15 year olds can fuel the smallest of fires.  But...every now and then...there are things that happen in a teenager's life that require a little introspection and some serious attention.  This was one of those things.  

Megan and I pondered and prayed all day yesterday, together and separately...while she babysat and while I went to lunch with a dear friend (who helped me ponder out loud.)   She decided that she needed to step away from her friendship and make some changes.  But she didn't want to do that without telling her friend exactly why she was leaving.  I watched her walk into that house yesterday afternoon focused and concerned for her friend's feelings, and then walk out confident that she had done what she needed to do, but devastated by the loss of a friend.  I know what that loss feels like.  We talked about how it would creep in at night when things were quiet, and how it would sometimes come in floods when she least expected it, and how it would make her doubt ever leaving the friendship in the first place.  But that the courage she exercised yesterday would be a turning point in her life.  It will mark the point in her life when she realized she has a choice in every relationship.  That relationships require work from both parties and that you can't base one on potential or obligation.   And mostly that she's capable of hard things.  

I looked at her this morning after knowing the agonizing decisions she made yesterday, and she looks different to me.  Not so much a little girl anymore, but more like a trustworthy, compassionate, competent young woman.  I'm so grateful for the little life lessons that help them (and me) catch glimpses of themselves like that. 

Thank you SO much to all of my friends who sent love and texts and bloggy support and prayers from afar.  I'm telling you, they carried me through the day and made up the difference when I was out of advice and ideas.  

Life Lessons

Of all the things I do as a parent, the hardest thing for me by far is watching my kids struggle with a thing and trying to figure out how far to step into it to help them.  I'm an expert advice giver and after 43 years, 4 kids, and a few pivotal life experiences, I feel fairly confident in my advising skills.  But sometimes my kids' challenges require them to have their own pivotal life experiences and draw their own conclusions.  Those are the hard ones for me.  Being quietly supportive isn't one of my super powers.  

Megan has had a friend for the last couple of years who has been a huge learning opportunity.  That's the best way I can describe her.  The girl has been through some serious hell in her life that none of us have a full understanding of, and those things color the way she sees the world.  It has been an ongoing challenge in the past two years to watch from the sidelines as Megan has befriended this very insecure, very cautious girl.  I've listened to Megan wade through difficult conversations, try desperately to uplift and encourage her friend and build her self esteem, only to have the girl constantly get her feelings hurt and leave nearly every situation wondering about the state of her friendship with Megan.  Over and over I've wanted to step in and tell Megan that sometimes it just doesn't work, sometimes you just have to walk away.  (well, actually, what I've really wanted to tell her is that I can see the flashing red DANGER signs and she should run screaming away from this girl and never look back...)

Last weekend we had a change of plans, which is a pretty regular occurrence in a house full of teenagers.  Megan's friend was here and the change involved taking her home earlier than expected.  That's it.  No big deal, right?  Nope.  Not for a healthy, well adjusted teenager who has no previous baggage that they carry around with them everywhere they go.  The friend spent the day with us.  She and Megan had a great time.  We took her home BEFORE instead of AFTER the orchestra rehearsal.  And we went about the rest of our exhausting, but fun-filled weekend.  But apparently we had done some irreparable damage, once again unknowingly, in this little friend's mind.  She was sad and wounded.  She stayed home from church the following day.  She wouldn't answer any of Megan's texts.  And then finally when she did, she said, "I'm still very hurt by the whole experience on Saturday, and while I know we need to discuss this, I'm just not ready to do that yet."  (oh jeez...)  

Megan was upset.  We ran through a recap of the events of the day together, just to be sure the two of us were united in our perception of the whole thing.  We were.  

Note:  I am not typically the kind of mother who rushes in to protect her kids from less than popular teachers, unfair accusations, or personality conflicts.  I'm not what you would call a rescuer. I'm a big believer in the life lessons that come from learning how to deal with all types of personalities.  Because eventually there is going to be a person in their space, whether it's a boss, a neighbor, or a missionary companion, who they will not be able to escape from.  Better to learn to work with people now while in the safety of our home where we can detox them on a daily basis, than to have to figure out how to do that at 30 years old working with a difficult PTA mom.  

But this particular teenager drama and Megan's anguish over it was sending me right into "MOTHER BEAR" mode.  It was all I could do to keep myself from going right over to that little girl's house and telling both her AND her mother that they were being ridiculous.  But I didn't.  I listened.  I encouraged.  I validated Megan.  And then I calmly said, "If you want me to step in, I will, but I trust you to say the right things and make good decisions with this friendship."  And then I went into my closet and wrapped a sweatshirt around my head so I could scream without anyone hearing me.  

Last night at 9:00, Megan came downstairs with a look of complete and total resignation and said, "Are you ready to step in?"  (sigh...not really...)  We had a LONG talk.  I read the texts.  She vented her frustrations.  I listened.  I said lots of good things.  And two hours later, we still hadn't come up with any better solution than to just leave it alone for the night and have an actual face to face conversation with both the girl and her mom the next day (...which would be today...eek!)

Sigh...this parenting thing is SO hard sometimes.  I wonder every time there's a challenge like this, if I am helping or hindering.  Last night, after all those many many words I said, after two hours of dissecting this thing, I felt closer to Megan than I had before.  I felt secure that she trusts me with her stuff.  And I felt like I had done my best.  Sometimes that's all we can do.  This may end up in wreckage.  There may be more hurt feelings and not much of a friendship left to hang onto.  But at least Megan will know that Craig and I support her and love her.  

I woke up at 5:30 this morning with a million things spinning around in my head.  This is not a big deal.  It was a change of plans.  But I have gone around in circles with this family before and it's difficult to be reasonable with them.  They hear things that you didn't say.  They remember things from 150 years ago.  They are easily offended and extremely insecure.  So I feel a little bit like I'm volunteering to walk right into a fire and drag my unsuspecting child right along with me.  But this is one of those things that I don't think we can escape from.  I think we're gonna have to walk right through it.  

After trying to sift through the 4 million potential conversations in my head this morning, I finally texted Craig (on business in McAllen) which always reassures me and gives me the perspective I need.  And then I said a little prayer pleading to know the right way to handle this.  And here's the Conference talk I was reminded of...

Charity Never Faileth

Today does not need to be about proving anyone's intentions or about forcing someone to change their mind.  It doesn't need to be about defending or protecting or chastising.  This is a learning experience for all of us, and sometimes those require walking through a little fire.  

"In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity.  Life is perfect for none of us.  Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life.  May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out." - Thomas S. Monson

Megan and I will have another prayer together before we go over to this friend's house.  And I have no idea what will be said in that home or how we will all come through that little fire over there, but I have confidence that I will have taught my daughter to do hard things, to handle difficult situations with prayer and love, and to always be kind.  

Sigh...this parenting thing is so hard...

Rainy Days

This has been such a strange July.  It was 85 degrees on the 4th, and today it's 72!  We woke up to a steady drizzle on Sunday morning and it's been damp, grey and muggy ever since.  Perfect weather for baking cookies, napping, and reading books. 

Rainy days are kind of nice in the middle of the summer.  Yesterday we watched another season of Little House on the Prairie, made quiche for dinner, and wandered around the house in slippers and sweats all day long.  So perfect!

I think the plants are enjoying the cooler weather, too.  They look really pretty and vibrant when they're not all washed out by that blazing Texas sun.  

Weekend Surprises

I didn't even think we were doing anything this weekend, and then all of a sudden we were swamped with invitations for all these fun things!

Friday night, our neighbors invited us to a small town rodeo in Blue Ridge, TX (about an hour from here.)  Their daughter is a barrel racer...very cool!  

While we were at the rodeo, my friend Jill and I made plans to go antique shopping in McKinney this morning.  We got up bright and early so we could be there at 8:00am and start digging through treasures.  Unfortunately I didn't find a reading chair for the bedroom... :(

And about halfway through the rodeo, I got a text from another friend that said, "The boat is free tomorrow.  Wanna come??"  Um...heck yes we wanted to come!  We met our friends at Lake Lavon around noon and enjoyed the lake for almost 3 hours.  

Unexpectedly perfect weekend...friends, treasures, sun and water!

High Five for Friday

Another lazy, summer week.  If we keep this up, I'm not sure I'll ever want school to start again... 

1.  Moving Furniture 

I have this crazy habit of getting extremely restless with the way my furniture looks in my house and spontaneously moving it around.  Often this involves transporting large pieces of furniture from one floor to the other.  And occasionally I have to call for help.  Today I moved my favorite giant fluffy chair out of my bedroom (that was a feat in itself because it's very very fluffy and WIDE!)  I moved this bookshelf into the bedroom and put this dining room chair in the space where the fluffy chair was, but it's too small.  Hmmm...I might have to go on a hunt for a suitable reading chair.  And the fluffy chair is still sitting in the entryway waiting for help to arrive and take it up the stairs.  

2.  Peach Jam

Two dozen jars of jam.  There is nothing more beautiful and satisfying than homemade jam!

3.  Free Slurpee Day at 7-11

4.  Innovation

McKay's solution to having to hold the towel while riding his bike.

5.   Floppy Hats

Because everyone needs a floppy turquoise hat in the summer!  <3

Throwback Thursday

Do you know what my favorite show was when I was a little girl?  

Well, I had a lot of favorites.  I loved the Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family and The Monkees, and The Donny and Marie Show!  I was definitely a TV girl.  

But the show that would capture my complete and total attention for a whole hour and launch me back in time to the 1800s was LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE.  Melissa Gilbert made me want to wear calico dresses, call my parents Ma and Pa, and punch Nellie Oleson in the face.  I remember being really little and watching this every Wednesday night.   I dressed up as Laura Ingalls for Halloween one year.  And I devoured the entire series of Little House books one summer...which I still own and which my children have since devoured.  

This summer, Megan and I were talking about old TV shows and she remembered watching Little House in syndication when we lived in Utah.  Just before dinner every afternoon, the girls would sit in front of the TV just as captivated as I was at their age.  

We found the whole series on DVD at the library, so we decided to check out each season one at a time and spend our lazy summer days watching ALL of them!  Today we watched Disc 1, Season 1. 

And you know what!  I actually think I love this family more now than I did in 1974.  I cried during episode 2 when Ma made TWO blue dresses for Mary and Laura out of her beautiful fabric.  (...sniff)  

And even after almost 40 years, I still kinda wanted to punch Nellie Oleson in the face.  

Peaches

My 25 pound box of fresh peaches came on Saturday, and I think I've tried every peach recipe I can think of.  Our favorite way to eat them is just straight out of the box, though.  They're SO delicious!

On Sunday, I tried a peach pie recipe that my cute bloggy friend, Elizabeth posted last week and it was SO good.  I cut too many peaches so I just put them into a glass baking dish instead of a pie plate, which made my "pie" look more like a cobbler, but no one really cared.  Pie, cobbler, whatever...it was just REALLY good!  

These are the BEFORE pictures...

There are no AFTER pictures because when it came out of the oven it was devoured before I could even think to grab my camera.  

I love summer fruit, especially peaches.   Tomorrow I'm making peach jam if anyone wants to come over.  :)

High Five for Friday

What a great week it's been.  I love lazy, unscheduled July days.  Here are a few of the memorable things we did.

1.  Despicable Me 2

I absolutely LOVE going to movies.  And we ALL loved this one.  So funny.  So cute.  It was a great way to spend a belated Family Night this week.  

2.  Patriotic Hymns

I only get to let loose on the organ and play these loud, bold hymns one month out of the year, so this week I picked the BIG ones!  The Star Spangled Banner and Battle Hymn of the Republic.  I LOVE patriotic music at church.  And I have LOVED practicing these all week.  

3.  Festive Fingernails

I NEVER paint my fingernails.  It's too hard to pay attention to the music when I look down and see all that flashy color.  But since it was the Fourth of July, I decided to be festive and try one of those fun, funky ideas from Pinterest.  (The blue ones are supposed to be striped, but I can barely get the paint on without making a giant mess, so I knew stripes weren't going to be a success.)  I got lots of compliments on them last night.

4.  Masses of Cupcakes

I pinned this cute recipe from a blog I love and saved it for this week.  These are the cutest cupcakes and SO yummy.  There are crushed up cinnamon red hots in the frosting!!  And those fun little star shaped marshmallows on top.  Huge hit!  You can find the recipe here.

5.  Fireworks with Friends

Every year, our awesome neighbors have a Fourth of July picnic.  They make brisket and BBQ and provide drinks and chairs, and we bring all the sides and desserts.  And then as the sun starts to set, we throw kids, chairs, and blankets into cars and drive as close to McKinney as we can get, to watch their fireworks show.  This year our smart neighbors brought their truck and we all piled in the back of it to watch the fireworks in the distance.  It was a perfect night.  This unseasonably cool July weather has been such a nice change.

I love fireworks.  I love neighbors.  And I love that Dallas is flat enough that we can sit in Allen and watch fireworks shows in both McKinney and Plano.  It's the one time of year that I don't miss those Utah mountains.  

Hope your first week of July has been amazing and filled with fun, friends, food, and fireworks!

Fourth of July

"We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs, but to secure liberty for their souls."  - Robert J. McCracken

The Pool

Savannah has been nanny-ing this summer for a cute little boy on the other side of town.  Today was a long day, though, and by 1:30 they had run out of stuff to do at his house, so she brought him to our house.  We have more kids, different Wii games, a dog that we're sitting for the weekend (I am NOT happy about that, but it's too frustrating a story...) and a neighborhood pool!  

We grabbed McKay, some snacks, and spent the afternoon playing in the water. 

This is Ezra.  He's 4.  He loves Savannah.  And he loves the water.  

Ezra jumped...

and jumped...for three straight hours.  He's going to sleep so well tonight.  

About 100 of McKay's friends were at the pool today, too, so they all had a blast playing together.

Racing...

Eating...

(they're negotiating the last cracker)

Playing sharks and minnows...

Playing that chicken game that boys ALWAYS play in the water...

And jumping with Ezra...

It was a good day at the pool.  Have I mentioned that I love the water??