So I have this reccurring nightmare that probably won't sound very nightmarish when I write it down, but when it's rattling around in my head in the middle of the night, it's pretty scary.
If you've been here for awhile, you probably already know that I'm not a fan off high speeds, roller coasters, sharp turns, bridges, tunnels, or highway ramps. That's really not as limiting a life as it sounds like it might be.
In this dream, there's a car. Sometimes I'm driving it. Sometimes I'm not. But it's always going way too fast. Usually there is a bridge or a sharp turn involved. Once there was a circular ramp, like the kind in parking garages. But whatever the incline, it always happens to be under construction in this dream. Can you see where this is going? Speed + incline + construction = nightmare. There have been minor variations. Once, Craig was driving the car. (And boy was I mad at him when I woke up.) Once, there was heavy snow and zero visibility, and I was driving. But the recurring part is that there is a car, and I'm in it, and it is careening wildly out of control, about to go off the end of a very high ramp, and then I wake up. ugh...
Well, that has been what my life has felt like for the past few weeks. I've gotten up excited and hopeful about each new day, and poof! somewhere between 9:30-11, it starts to feel like that car in my dream going too fast up a ramp to nowhere.
I seem to recall a similar feeling last May and probably the May before. This is the month when I officially surrender my life to the extracurricular activities of my children. I'm mostly driving. And rushing. And doing last minute things my kids have forgotten to tell me about...like birthday presents, money for field trips, money for t-shirts, money for auditions, rides to and from places I didn't even know they were going, and the list goes on and on...
This morning I had a similar list of last minute things that needed to be taken care of, but I had promised a friend that I would be the driver for our weekly Temple visit. When I looked at my list today, I started to panic. When I looked at the sky and could feel the storm coming, I started to panic. I couldn't remember how to get to the Temple. I couldn't figure out how it was all going to fit into the 18 hours that I had left in the day. There was nothing practical about adding a three hour Temple trip into my morning.
But the Temple isn't practical. It isn't quick. It doesn't fit into my schedule most days. But it is so necessary. For me, today, being in my car with two people I love was the best way to calm me down and start my day positively. And being in the Temple was the best way to make those crazy ramps in my life feel more like vast stretches of peaceful, country roads.
The Temple is perspective for me. It quiets the running lists in my head. It is fulfilling and uplifting. It calms me and makes me less anxious about the things I can't control.
When we left the Temple and I turned on my phone, there were more unexpected interruptions to my day. But the calm lasted well into the evening and the day never felt rushed.
I'm so grateful to have a Temple near enough to visit on a regular basis. I'm grateful for good friends to go with. And I'm grateful that I had made a commitment to go today when all I really wanted to do was stay in my jammies.