I have a couple of new callings at church and one of them that I am agonizing over is teaching the 16-17 year old Sunday School class. Why would I agonize over that? It makes no sense to me either, but I have been agonizing nonetheless. I HAVE a 17 year old in the class. I KNOW all of these kids. They are GREAT kids. And they already LOVE me and I already LOVE them. What more could I possibly need to let me know that this is a good fit and I am perfectly capable and qualified to teach this group of kids.
But...still I agonize. And worry. And doubt.
I spent all of Sunday morning crying my dang head off because I didn't feel like I could articulate very well all the things I've prepared and studied. It felt like all this jumble of stuff swimming around in my head at 9:00am and I could NOT figure out how to deliver it three hours later.
Even after the lesson was over I didn't feel very good about it. It felt disconnected. I felt like I left out so much that needed to be included. And there wasn't a lot of substance. I came home Sunday night with a headache from worrying so much about the crappy, incoherent lesson I had taught and the irreparable spiritual damage I was doing to these kids.
Since the end of last month when I received this calling, I have prayed and prayed, and wearied the Lord with my pleading to just be good at this, to just be an instrument in His hands, and to have the Spirit translate some small part of what I've said into something that these kids need and can understand.
Well, guess what happened today...
While making my bloggy rounds, I noticed that this sweet girl (who is in my Sunday School class) had updated hers.
In case you don't wander over to read the actual post for yourself, here's an excerpt...
"In church today, we were talking about how being Christlike isn't just for you, it's for the people around you, too. I have been really thinking about this today."She heard what I said! And she took it home and thought about how it applied to her life! And then she wrote a blog post about it!
That little testament might be enough for some people to feel greater confidence in their abilities, but apparently not for me. As quickly as I read that, and marveled at it, and basked in it, the doubt started to creep right beck in.
Then about an hour ago, I got this text...
Ben showed up at my door five minutes later with this for Savannah...
I asked him what the occasion was, and he shrugged his shoulders and said, '"I have no idea, but you said on Sunday that sometimes we're prompted to do things for people and we don't know why, but we should do them anyway because we have more influence than we realize and even the little things can uplift people."
I am sufficiently humbled and totally shocked. In case you didn't already know this, He hears us. He knows what we need. And He has a way of connecting all of our paths so that they intersect at just the right places and at just the right times. We just need to stop agonizing, stop worrying, stop being dumb and look for those tender mercies that testify of His presence. Sometimes they are even in peanut M&Ms and Diet Coke.
"Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time." D&C 6:14
"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." D&C 6:36