Actually...nevermind...we were just kidding

So...we're not under contract anymore with that cute little couple who bought our house over the weekend.  Oh wait, you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you, because I hadn't even had time to post about that yet.  Yep, we were actually under contract for about three days, but our realtor just called me an hour ago and said that the buyers just sent over a termination of contract.  Apparently they got cold feet.  What the heck??  We hadn't even gotten to the inspection yet.  That was scheduled for tomorrow.  

I'm trying really hard not to be super disappointed or mad or down on myself about this, because that's typically what I do, you know.  

Well, first I destroy stuff, like their sweet little letter introducing their family with the cute little picture of themselves, gushing about how awesome and beautiful our house is and how this is where they want to live and raise their little family, and blah, blah, blah.  Yeah...that's gone. 

And then the next thing I always do is think, "Oh crap, what have I done this week that ruined this?"  Like surely this huge wreck must be my fault somehow.  A consequence for missing Enrichment last night, or for being super impatient with Craig, or for being lazy about reading scriptures, or not making dinner for the kids, or not preparing enough for Conference, or for all the other ways I've been less than perfect this week. 

But that can't be it because I was just thinking this week about Savannah's experience she had on splits with Sis Lang and how she said that there are so many variables in life, but we need to remember Who is in charge of all those variables.  And just on Monday morning, I was telling Craig that I felt like I had learned from this whole house experience that it wasn't because I didn't clean enough or do enough last fall, or because the house wasn't pretty enough that it didn't sell, and it wasn't because I wasn't obedient enough or worthy enough.  It just wasn't the right timing then, and who even knows why?  So if that stuff was all true on Monday, and I think it was, and if I actually learned that lesson (that part is debatable,) then probably it's still true on Wednesday and I should probably realize that this isn't my fault either.  But, my head isn't quite believing that yet. 

And holy cow!  What an unexpectedly frustrating thing to get that phone call today.   We all totally thought this was such a done deal.  Well, I did.  I guess there's no such thing as a done deal until you hand over the keys on closing day.  

So, I have no idea what to think now.  Maybe Heavenly Father didn't think I quite learned that whole PATIENCE thing well enough.  Or that TRUSTING thing.  Or maybe ALABAMA isn't ready for us.  Ugh...I'm so sick of thinking up all the potential possibilities for why we have to wait here.  I didn't even tell a whole crapton of people yet.  I didn't post it on any social media places.  Thank goodness.  At least I don't have to go back and untell too many people.  

So now we're back to having it available to show at any time starting tonight.  Constant cleaning and perfecting and leaving and hoping and waiting.  I'm not sure I can do another round of this.  Last weekend almost put me right over the edge.  The only reason I made it through that was because it ended with a contract.  And Easter.  

This morning, I was making lists of things to set aside for the hotel stay vs. packing for BIRM, and I was moving things in the garage so the inspector wouldn't have to climb around to get to the circuit breaker and the water heater, and now we're back to putting away every scrap of paper we take out and cleaning up every crumb.  

I feel like my head might spin off...  

Trying to keep my spirits up and think positive thoughts and still hope for an uninterrupted Conference weekend.  But, I'm pretty disappointed and sad...and mad at those people for just changing their minds.  

And shocked at how little rain it takes to make me doubt everything I know so well in the sun.  

"...prone to wander, Lord I feel it.  prone to leave the God I love..."