Divine Intervention

The craziest thing happened last Sunday at church...stuff like this always happens to me, and I'm convinced it's because I would otherwise never, ever choose to climb out of my safe little box...and apparently there's some meaningful stuff outside this box.

...first, I have to do that thing where I give you ten times more backstory than you actually need...

On the very first Sunday we arrived at our new ward, we were literally thronged by people.  Everyone in the building introduced themselves to us.  I was completely overwhelmed just with the length of time it took to get to the building, so meeting people and processing things like Girls' Camp was not really falling into my radar that day.  Someone nice, and very focused on her calling, introduced herself to me with the intent of confirming 1) that I knew about Girls Camp, 2) that my girls would be attending, and 3) that I would be willing to help if she needed me to.  

Um...yes, yes, and sure...

I think she asked me if I was planning on going to Girls Camp, and of course you're laughing that she would even ask that question, but she didn't know me at all, so she couldn't have known that in any kind of universe where there is a choice about that sort of thing, I would NEVER choose to go to Girls' Camp...in July...in Alabama.  Has she seen the size of the bugs in this state??  I did not ask her that.  I just politely told her I was not planning to go to Girls Camp, but I would be happy to help with preliminary things, or even a mid-week drive up to camp with ice cream to save the girls from the heat.    

That was the last time I talked to her.  

Girls' Camp is next week.  

Flash forward to this Sunday which was a really, really great day.  I was feeling super confident.  I looked pretty good in whatever I was wearing, although I can't think right now what that was.  And I was tanked up pretty heavily on the Spirit.  So just before Sunday School, I saw that same sister sitting across the room and thought, "I haven't even crossed paths with her since 6 weeks ago, and since I'm responsible for 20% of the girls going to camp, I should probably see if she needs any last minute help."  I had in my head that she might need food, or supplies, an extra driver, a mid week ice cream mom (I really like that job...)

Well, the good thing was she was thrilled that I offered, which made me happy.  Lately, it feels like most of my efforts to act on inspiration and do nice things have fallen a bit flat... After her initial glee, though, I'm not sure exactly what happened...

She did indeed need help with something.  

It turns out, though, she isn't the WARD Camp Director like I thought.  She's the STAKE Camp Director.  So when she started talking about "pillow presents" for the girls, and a spiritual thought, and how she had the contents of the goodie bag but not the actual "spiritual" part of it yet, and that's where she could really use my help because she knew nothing about how to use Power Point...I was totally lost.  Power Point??  She mentioned that so far she had collected mini flash lights, Q-tips, and some other little things that I can't remember, and she wanted to tie all of those into something related to the Holy Ghost and how the girls needed to have their eyes and ears open so they could see the gifts of the Spirit??...or something like that.  She was a little hurried and vague.  So I came away from our five minutes together understanding that she needed me to find a quote related to all of her stuff, make it cute, and print it out to be inserted in little bags...for 100 girls! by next Sunday!

Seriously...I do not know how these things find me.  When I walked across the room to talk to her, I was prepared to volunteer to go to the store later this week and buy ice cream sandwiches and Otter Pops for the 10 girls in my ward...

I did have the presence of mind to ask if there was a budget for this project, which I typically would never think to do.  I still don't know what it is, though, because she just told me to print them out and then she would pay for them.  ???

Sunday night, I was too busy agonizing over a kindness talk and then going to a fireside.  Monday I was a mess.  And Tuesday I spent the day trying to get kids registered for school (which still has not happened) and Craig and McKay ready for their fishing trip (more on that later...)  And then yesterday, I started to feel the weight of this responsibility. 

I procrastinated in bed for a few hours in the morning, and then finally made myself go for a late morning walk.  And somewhere in the middle of a hill in the blazing 10:00am Birmingham heat and humidity, listening to Sister Marriott's lovely, honey-coated, southern voice, I got a tiny bit of inspiration.

First, it occurred to me that the Camp Director didn't mean she needed a Power Point presentation.  She just meant she didn't know how to do graphic stuff on her computer.  Well, I don't really know how to do those cute printable things either.  I could make some cute scrapbook thing, but for 100 girls that would take FOREVER!  Nope...that wouldn't work.  What I DO have handy, though, is an arsenal of General Conference quotes and an equally huge gallery of pictures I've taken.  So...all I needed to do was find a quote and match it with a relevant picture!  Brilliant, huh?!  Um...have you met my IG?  I do that every day of my life!  

Just instead of using the quote as the caption under the picture, I needed to figure out how to add it as the text on the picture itself.  I have a million editing apps, how hard could it be??  Guess what.  It's not hard at all.  I tried it in PhotoShop, but the fonts aren't as cute, and they don't wrap themselves, so I gave up and found another app and just did the whole thing ON MY PHONE!  

I struggled for awhile trying to find an exact quote that would cover all those obscure items that sister had already purchased.  I couldn't find anything.  I also couldn't reach her this week because her work schedule is quite hectic.  So, I just stopped trying to do it on my own, and decided to say a prayer.  I didn't know what that Camp Director envisioned for this handout, but the Spirit did.  So I asked him to tell me.  And then as soon as I got up and went back to my Mac, I found the perfect Conference talk with the perfect quote...

“If we will open our hearts to the refining influence of the unspeakable gift of the Holy Ghost, a glorious new spiritual dimension will come to light.  Our eyes will gaze upon a vista scarcely imaginable.  We can know for ourselves things of the Spirit that are choice, precious, and capable of enlarging the soul, expanding the mind, and filling the heart with inexpressible joy.”  - Joseph B Wirthlin

And the perfect picture came instantly to my memory because it just looks like a glorious and scarcely imaginable vista, don't you think?...

And then a few minutes of editing...and POOF!  Done!

Wait...here's the best part.  At Sam's, the first time you order prints, the first 50 are FREE, so I ordered 100 prints of that picture up there, picked them up two hours later, and it cost...

wait for it...

$7.50!!  Amazing, huh?  

Who even cares if there's a budget or not.  I'm not even going to tell her.  I'm just going to hand her 100 finished handouts on Sunday that she can add to her little goodie bags and hopefully she can check one more thing off her Girls Camp list.

I hope they're what she wants.  I could spend a lot of time between now and Sunday worrying about that part of this exercise a whole lot, and I could do that perfectionist thing where I think of a million things that aren't perfect about those handouts, and try to fix them.  

But they're done.

Emma, who is always more practical than emotional reminded me that most of the girls are just going to throw them away anyway.  Sad, but true.  Something about knowing that little detail makes me so happy I didn't sit around all day cutting and gluing tiny little flashlights onto cardstock.  And it will remind me not to try and fix 100 handouts that are already finished!  Perspective is a good thing.  

Since everything was done in a fraction of the time I thought I would be spending on it, the girls and I went to all those little stores I've wanted to visit for weeks to look for furniture!  And then we grabbed dinner and came home to watch movies.  Lord the Rings/Hobbit marathon!

Hooray for the Spirit expediting my time!  Hooray for big things becoming so much easier than I expected!  Hooray for editing apps!  And hooray for the beginning of a responsibility-free weekend with my girls!  

I can do harder things than I ever think I can do.  

Waiting

Just a tiny email from Savannah yesterday morning when I woke up saying that all was well and she would be going to Neuschwanstein for p-day with the other missionaries in her district.  Of course she was going to Neuswchwanstein.  That's what I would do if I were anywhere in the vicinity of that thing.  Really.  Even I would do that.  It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.  

She said in that same email that she would be available to email all day depending on her wifi connection.  Well, that's where my downfall happened.  You can't really say something like that to your mother who's been waiting all week to hear the details of your life and not expect her to get her hopes up.  Sometimes I'm a little slow.  If I had thought about her day more than I was thinking about my own, it would have occurred to me that she would spend the majority of her time on trains and hiking and that neither of those things is conducive to emailing your mother.  

But I waited and hoped anyway.  And as the morning wore on with nothing from her, I went from grumpy to sad to grumpy again and finally landed on sad for the majority of the day.  
By 12:00 Birmingham time (6:00 Augsburg time) when it was well past when my head had estimated I would get to hear from her, and I still hadn't even gotten her general email, the crying started.  At least I didn't panic.  I've stopped rehearsing tragedy...with Savannah.  I was mostly just really, really sad that my window was closing.  At 4:30, I finally got three emails from her.  The general one that I posted yesterday.  A short, but happy one acknowledging the email I had sent her about the callings Craig and I had just received in church over the weekend.  And a super short one with a quick answer to a question I needed an answer to.  That was it.  At 10:30 Augsburg time, there was no opportunity for a response, although I responded anyway, and no reason to wait for a conversation.  

The emails have gotten shorter over the last couple of transfers.  Savanah and I don't have two hour email "conversations" like we used to on p-days.  And I definitely don't get as many details as I would like.  I think that's how most of the rest of the missionary moms live for 18-24 months, but I have been horribly spoiled for the first half of this mission, and I miss it.  

But, look at her!  Isn't she doing exactly what we (and the Lord) sent her out on this mission to do?  She's not writing home because she's busy and loving the work and her mission so much!   And good grief, she's so happy and positive, I want to bottle this experience for her and be able to hand it to her on those days down the road when she can't remember it.  

I know all that stuff.  I know she's where she's supposed to be.  I know she's doing far better things in Germany than she would ever be doing here at home.  I wouldn't dare even ask to trade her missionary experience for more of the little trivial things I want. Except...sometimes on Mondays when it's supposed to be my turn to talk to her, and my window is smaller than expected or nonexistent, I sometimes think for a second that it would be really nice to just have her home again and to have a real conversation with her.  How grateful I am that there's no possible way to do that.  How grateful I am that she would never come home anyway, even if I asked...which I never would.  How grateful I am that of all the billions of things she could be doing, this is what she wants to be doing.  Everyday.  For 9 more months...can you even believe she's nearly halfway through this 18 months?  I cannot.  

And guess what I also realized on Monday, which incidentally did not make me feel any better...this isn't going to change next April when she comes home.  She'll be here with us for a little while having breakfast and sleeping in her bed and whatever else, but after a week or two of that she'll be off to the next thing...whatever it is...BYU? a job? Alex? he comes next September...and then marriage and a family and a life.  And two sisters and a brother will be right behind her doing the exact same thing!  

...and isn't that the goal of motherhood??  What have I been doing for 19 years anyway but helping to turn helpless babies into independent, functional, happy, productive adults...

But, if all these little birds are doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing and they're just about ready to detach from me and this house and successfully fly out of this nest...

...and if I have spent the better part of the last 20 years filling the measure of my creation as their mother, putting all of my energy into the nest and the little birds in it, and learning to love even the mundane parts about staying at home and being their mom, which I totally have, btw...

...then what am I supposed to do with all this extra time I seem to be acquiring while they try out their wings and eventually fly away?  

Savannah talks all the time in her emails about "juicing" everything she can out of her experiences.  I'm not sure I know how to juice anything out of anything but being a mom.  I didn't even really learn to love this job until 2010 when these kids all started turning into teenagers.  And now that I really like all of them so much, they seem to need me a whole lot less and they're looking for ways to fly away.  What a ridiculous career choice...

Everything else I've chosen to do with my life thus far, except for the mom part, has just been for the in-between times.  Hobbies and pastimes to occupy the times when they were napping, or at school.  Stuff to do while I've waited for them to come home or waited for them to find me and need the next thing.  What do I do when they're not looking for me as much?  

I have a friend who is having another baby because she wasn't sure what to do in this waiting time.  My sister-in-law is selling her house and moving to Las Vegas because she wasn't sure what to do during the waiting time now that her kids have all left the next permanently. 

I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to sit here until I'm 70 and wait for them to call or text or email.  

I'm definitely not supposed to have another baby.  Maybe there was some divine intervention behind that hysterectomy...Someone may have anticipated this weird lonely/desperate/useless place of transition that I would be in and that I might have some crazy idea about using my last ounce of uterus energy for something ridiculous like having another baby.  (It's not ridiculous for my friend who has the perfect family and is the perfect age and disposition for one more baby.  And it's not ridiculous for anyone else who actually wants to have another baby.  But for someone who only likes them when they're babies and then again when they're teenagers, but not those middle years; and for someone who is entirely selfish; and for someone who is approaching 50, it would be completely and totally ridiculous to have another baby.)

I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to spend the rest of my life waiting for all these birds to come home from wherever they are so that I can feel fulfilled and purposeful again.  

I spent the first 10 years, before I liked this mothering thing, waiting for Craig to come home from work, from school, from callings.  That wasn't the best choice for either of us, and it's probably not where I want to go again.  

So what do I do?  And what exactly am I waiting for? I made a list yesterday while I was sitting in my closet crying about Savannah and crying about how much I hate waiting.  

A Little Piece of Hawaii in Germany

ALOOOOHAAAAAA! 

Mensch this week has been the CRAZIEST! But so so so awesome! The last couple days in Graz were a blur of saying goodbye to all my Austrian best friends, getting all packed up, and then traveling to Wien, Salzburg, Munich, and then AUGSBURG!  I had to say goodbye to all the missionaries going home this transfer along the way, and that was hard too because I have become such good friends with all of them!!  But, so ist das Leben

Augsburg is AMAZING. We live in a little old German cottage type of thing (it's so freaking cute) and our landlady, who lives right above us, is HAWAIIAN!  This German cottage is decked out about as Hawaiian as you can get. Aloha signs, flowers, drift wood, sea shells, leis, it reminds me of Grandma and Grandpa George's house, only more Hawaiian. I LOVE IT SO MUCH! 

Our landlady's name is Maile and we had an instant connection the second we saw each other's fat round Hawaiian faces. So yeah, definitely a tender mercy!! She even bought us ukeleles so we could learn and then teach her how to play. She's literally the best. And every other night she knocks on our door at 10:39 with pizza she ordered for us, or dinner she made for us. GAH...JUST LOVE HER. She's not a member, and not really interested, but that will change soon ;) My companion, Sister Abram, is THE BEST. She is literally EXACTLY like Bethany, so another little "piece of home" tender mercy for me :) she is so obedient, and adventurous, and bold and such a good missionary. We get along super well :) she goes home at the end of this transfer so we are living it up while we can and I'm juicing everything I can out of her!

So two days after I got into Augsburg we got to go to Munich for interviews and training with President Kohler! That was such a great day, and President Kohler is really the best :) We are so close to Munich in Augsburg, only like 45 minutes! Such a change from being 6 hours away! I really love Germany. I loooovedd Austria, but Germany really has a different feel to it! So I'm super happy here :) this week has been full of appointments, finding, and getting unpacked and settled into my new home, and it's been great! Next week it gets even crazier, and I'm so ready for it!! 

Just a couple more highlights from this week:

We met a less active family who is the CUTEST! They have three little kids, and have been members for 20 years, but they were offended by some members about five years ago, so they have stopped coming. They are so adamant that the ward is evil and they hate the members now, so it's gonna be hard getting them to come back. This reminded me of a talk by Elder Bednar from General Conference, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them." You should all read it because it's super good! Being offended is a personal choice. So choose to be happy, to think positively about others, and be as the Savior was and forgive 70x7!!

Sunday was probably the best Sunday of my mission because now that I can actually speak and understand German, I was able to be myself and talk to members and get to know them without having to follow my companion around everywhere and have her translate for me :) the members here are so nice, and so awesome! And the church building is so cute and homey. 

I had to give a talk, my first talk in German since the MTC, and it was a little nerve-wracking, but Heavenly Father filled in the gaps for me :) 

Today we went to NEUSCHWANSTEIN for pday!!  It was quite the adventure! We went as a district, so with four other elders, and there was a lot of missing trains, getting on the wrong connections, wandering around lost in some tiny German villages, and hiking up giant mountains in the sticky heat to get to that thing! It was pretty cool to see it though :) 

Personally, I think the Disney version is a little more fun, but it's probably one of those generational things, like how I like John Mayer's version of Free Falling better than Tom Petty's.

This week my testimony has grown even stronger that Heavenly Father really does know us so personally, and he knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He knew I would love Augsburg and Sister Abram, and He knew this was the little kick in the pants I needed to motivate me. He knows my potential, and all I need to do is give my all to him and trust in His ways :) which is sometimes a bit harder for us "stubborn-plan your whole life out-I'm always right" kind of people.  But He loves us anyway :) which I'm very grateful for! 

I'm tired, Germanized, motivated, a little bit sweaty (air conditioning doesn't exist in Europe), and a whole lotta happy! :) 

Love you all so much!

Liebe Grüße,

Sister Thunell

Updates from this Week

I've been super busy moping around this week, so there's a ton of stuff I haven't even told you about.  Here's a bulk download of all the pictures in my phone that I should have posted days ago.  And yep, I know there's still a DC post waiting...

On Saturday, our friends, Danny and Cali came to visit us all the way from Allen with Danny's sister, Marsha, who was visiting them from California.  Marsha met Megan and Emma last summer, and the girls all loved each other so it was a great reunion for them, and a really fun weekend for the rest of us.  We loved having our first house guests!

We played tons of games, ate a LOT of food, took them to church with us on Sunday, toured them around the area, and explored the lake.  

For the 4th of July, we went to the little community celebration in town, which was a whole lot like Pioneer Day in Mendon (except WAY hotter and so much more humid.)  The little town square here is so much like Mendon that I was immediately in love.  

It's always fun have visitors, and they're also a great catalyst to get those things done that we've been putting off.  The basement bedroom only has two twin beds in it, so we let the girls all sleep down there between the guest room and the big TV room couches, and Emma let Danny and Cali sleep in her room.  We finished Emma's cute wall of E's thanks to Pinterest and a LOT of trips to Michael's and multiple 40% off coupons!  

They're all black and white (and silver) and she wants to paint the walls a really pretty grey.  Her bedding is all grey and black with turquoise sheets and pillows, so it'll be super cute.  But right now those walls make it look a little sickly.  I'm thinking Girls Camp might be a really good time to paint!  :)

Since I was working on the girls' rooms, McKay managed to talk Craig into doing a little modification in his room.  Um...seriously, he is the craziest kid!  He has been asking for a hammock in his room since we first started talking about this relocation, so as soon as we moved in, he started doing Google research on exactly how to secure it to the walls!  And then he found the exact hooks he needed on Amazon, so all Craig had to do was order them.  It's too bad McKay has a radar for the UPS (aka: Amazon Prime) truck and figured out what was in the box, otherwise it would have been an awesome surprise for his birthday.  It's pretty cool, though, and he's so happy!  

All that stuff is finally hanging on the walls in my office now, too.  Craig did all the hard stuff that required levels and screws, and I did everything else.  I kinda love it!  

Last Wednesday night, we dropped the girls off for a 3 day Youth Conference trip to Nauvoo, IL to see multiple church history sites and to go to the temple.  

There were two charter buses, 18 chaperones, and about 100 kids, and all we've really heard is that they had a great time, they're super tired, and they met their future husbands.  It might be a slight challenge that those future husbands happen to be missionaries and are currently living in Nauvoo, but who knows...love can move mountains, right?  What is it about guys with guitars? 

Their phones were either dead or didn't have wifi the entire time, so I barely heard form them while they were gone.  Emma has been asleep since she got home this morning.  But Megan did tell us that they made some new friends, they both bore their testimonies, and they barely saw each other the whole trip!

Oh, and I got this cute text from an old friend from Mendon who happened to run into Emma on Thursday night, so that was a happy surprise!  

And speaking of happy, unexpected texts...this one came on Sunday morning while I was sitting in Gospel Doctrine...

I had no idea who it was from.  I just assumed some really nice person from Utah was traveling in Austria and happened to take a picture of some cute missionaries and then offered to text the picture home to their moms.  I found out later from Savannah's comp's mom (who obviously thought to ask more questions than I did) that it was from a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on tour in Austria!  Savannah's letter on Monday said the rest.  But holy cow!  I was excited just to get a picture of her, but then to find out it was from someone in the choir that I love!  Um...best day ever!!  :)

That KINDNESS talk I have to give is still looming out there.  Fortunately I'm feeling slightly more KIND than I was earlier in the week, and I've had a few tiny inspirations.  I'm procrastinating pulling all the pieces together because I don't have to actually deliver it until 7:00 tomorrow night.  But I might regret that.  Hopefully not.  

I'm also accompanying the YW while they sing the special musical number at the fireside, Come Unto Christ, so there's been a little bit of mad practicing happening here today.  Fortunately it's not a super hard song.  

(Oh, this is a funny piano story...Gretchen, my VT, apparently really likes piano music and when she came over last week and saw the piano, she asked if I would play for her.  There wasn't time and I really didn't want to, so I conveniently busied myself and forgot to make that happen.  And then today she texted and said, "Don't think I've forgotten that you owe me a recital."  I said, "haha...I guess I should probably brush up on something besides hymns then, huh?" and she said, "No pressure, I like everything...Barbra Streisand (yuck,) Michael Buble, Alicia Keys, John Legend."  um...???  Whose idea was it to get a baby grand piano anyway, and then invite people inside and let them SEE it??  Note to self: Avoid Gretchen for the rest of my life.)

Oh, and the Bishop just texted Craig that he would like us both to come in tomorrow morning and meet with him.  I'm hoping Gretchen told him about the piano and he's going to call me to be the Primary pianist!  #dreamcalling :)

OK, going to sleep now, so I can stop imagining all the possible callings the Bishop might have thought up for us.

Goodnight...

Pain...and Hummingbirds

My IG friend, Jen, posted this yesterday...right after my bloggy rant about how I don't yet have any friends here.  

"Today will be another pain day. I will ask for help to have the strength to get through these next few days and not just let them pass in misery. When you are in pain you don't have to just suffer, it's a great time to strengthen your faith, look for the silver lining and spread joy to those around you. Laying around in misery only makes it your focus and makes you more miserable. I might not be able to stand up straight, but (option A) I can read Lucas a story and sing him a song that will make him happy, which will make me smile and feel some happiness; or (option B) I can be a victim to my pain and be snappy and grouchy to all those around me for not understanding my pain.  I choose A!"

I have pain days, too.  Not like Jen's.  Not like my friend Rebecca, who has suffered with cancer way too many times and is currently taking chemo drugs that require her to endure ridiculous amounts of debilitating pain on a regular basis.  My pain days don't look like theirs at all.  Physically, I have many more options.  I can choose to eat food if I want, perform all my necessary household responsibilities, and even leave the house without having to wear a surgical mask because of germs flying around in the air.   

Some pain is physical.  Some is emotional or spiritual.  But it's all valid and it's universal.  We all feel it at some point, sometimes for longer periods or in greater depth than we would like.  We can choose to sit in it.  And wallow.  Like I usually want to.  Or we can ask for help and then listen for promptings and be satisfied doing the needful things we're instructed to do, however small they may seem.   

After I read Jen's post, I was inspired to get up and choose a different plan for my day than the Sitting Around Being Miserable one that had sounded really good before.  We had the sister missionaries scheduled to come over for dinner anyway, so probably getting up would be a good idea.  And that VT who lives down the street from me was alone this week because her husband and son are in Nauvoo on that same youth conference trip my girls are on, so I invited her to come for dinner, too.  

I took Jen's advice and instead of hitting the ground running like I have been all week, I asked for some heavenly assistance first to have the strength to get through the day.  The craziest impression came to text a friend, which led to a brief, but perfectly timed conversation about how she happened to be headed to the temple, and that little voice in my head said, "Ask Robin to put your name on the temple roll today."  What??  I have never in my whole life asked someone to put my name in the temple.  I just go to the temple myself when I need that kind of direct and immediate help.  And I am neither sick nor debilitated in any way, so not only did that seem an unnecessarily extreme request, but I was also concerned that it might make Robin worry that something was wrong with me.  About five minutes of wavering with that little voice still in the background and I finally got up enough nerve to send the text.  And guess what...Robin wasn't the slightest bit worried or irritated.  She just said, "Sure. I'd be happy to."  

After some necessary house things, a plan for dinner, and a shopping list, McKay and I left to run our errands.  He felt like we needed to get in touch with nature later that afternoon.  I'm not sure why because nature practically lives in our house with all these windows and trees and that giant lake out there.  But since Craig and the girls were gone and it was just the two of us, I decided to indulge him.  We went to Home Depot.  We came home and planted stuff in the dirt.  And we filled our brand new hummingbird feeder with homemade hummingbird food...because not only is McKay outdoorsy and innovative, he's also frugal and environmentally conscious.  He decided that we could just look up recipes for whatever that liquid is in hummingbird feeders instead of buying the little birdie Kool-aid pouches for $5. It turns out they don't actually need red colored liquid when you have a red colored feeder jar.  Who knew...?

We were in a bit of a hurry yesterday to plant stuff, make hummingbird food, clean up, and reset for dinner all in a few short hours, so I let McKay pour the liquid into the feeder and hang it outside on the existing chain in front of the window, even though I really wanted to do it myself so I could be the one to have flocks of hummingbirds gather around me to check out their new birdie diner.  Shortly after, dinner guests arrived and all of a sudden the day was gone, and I hadn't even seen a hummingbird yet.  Darn it...that was the one thing about our nature activities that I was actually looking forward to.  

When the missionaries left, Gretchen offered to take me for a drive around the neighborhood in her golf cart and Craig thought that was a great idea. His hearty response meant that he and McKay wanted to go fishing and they loved that Gretchen was going to keep me occupied so they could do that...um, I would have been perfectly happy sitting inside and watching for hummingbirds while they fished.  But I couldn't say no after that, so I went.  And it was really fun.  Gretchen knows everyone and she's one of those people who likes to look at homes on realtor.com, so she knows exactly what the floor plan of every house is in our neighborhood.  She was a wealth of information, and I was happy to ride around in a golf cart outside (which is a lot like being in nature!) and get to know her and the neighborhood better.  She drove me to the other side of the lake.  I didn't even know you could drive to the other side off the lake!!  

I came home chatty and happy about the drive and the scenery and a conversation with another human being!  And there were a handful of other happy messages and surprises that night.  I went to sleep grateful that it had been a much better day than the one I thought I was going to have.

This morning, I came out to the kitchen and remembered our little bird feeder and hoped to have a million little hummingbird companions join me for breakfast.  They didn't.  And of course, I was immediately disappointed.  My first thought was that maybe we did actually need to buy the little birdie Kool-aid packets.  Maybe they hated their new little feeder.  Or...maybe there weren't even any hummingbirds in Alabama at all and our efforts were all just a giant waste of time.  (It's super hard to train my brain to take a different path.  Those old roads in there are well traveled.)  Just as I was getting my phone to take this picture of how pretty the bird feeder looks up there anyway, with or without anyone coming to have breakfast at it, I noticed a tiny little something flying right behind it.  His tail is in the picture, but it's so small you can't even really see it.  There weren't a million.  There was just one tiny one, but he came back about every ten minutes this morning to drink McKay's homemade birdie food.  

Crazy, huh?  How miraculous the little things are.  How quickly I am inclined to give up.  How Heavenly Father's hand is in every detail of our lives.  How patient He is with me even when I consistently have the patience of a two year old.  And how He knows exactly the amount of pain necessary to remind me to come back to Him, but also the exact answers that I personally need to restore light, love and hope immediately.  

I could have sat there in front of that window all day and all night after McKay hung that little bird feeder.  I could have cancelled the missionaries, not gone on the golf cart ride with Gretchen, and just waited for happiness to arrive in the form of a tiny little bird.  But it wouldn't have made them come any faster. And I would have missed out on some really great things that had nothing to do with hummingbirds.  

I still don't have a calling yet or many friends in this ward.  My neighbors are definitely not like my besties, Karryn and Jill.  And Gretchen is definitely not Stephanie.  But...yesterday was still a good day.  There was a sunset.  The dinner I made was really good.  The people I talked to were so nice.  And I did a handful of good things that made me forget my handful of pain, heartaches and loneliness.  The answers to my prayers always come looking a lot different than I expect them to.  I expect millions of hummingbirds, and instead I get one really cute, really persistent one.  I expect Allen and instead I'm getting whatever this Birmingham experience is becoming.  I expect speedy and I almost never get speedy.  It's a good thing I'm not the one in charge of the planning because we'd be overrun with hummingbirds.  I'm super grateful for pain days that come to and end, and for a Heavenly Father who is mindful of all of our needs.

That's all such wise advice on a bright, sunny day after I've heard from all the people I love and been visited by birds, isn't it?  I'll try to remember to read it next week when the days start to feel long and monotonous again and the hummingbirds are no where to be found.  

Frustration

It's been one of those exceedingly frustrating weeks where I've spent way too much time alone in my head jumping to lots of ridiculous conclusions.  You know, the ones where I assume everyone hates me and that I'm leaving mostly the wrong impressions everywhere.  The ones where I assume no one wants to read all the contents of my head so I just don't bother to write them anywhere.  The ones where I second guess everything...which leads to randomly deleting things that probably shouldn't be deleted.  

My days have been filled with mostly tidying and shopping and kids' needs and mundane, but fun, summer activities.  Lots of stuff, but no substance.  And that's never a good thing.  

Savannah asked me in her email on Monday how things were going in the new house, ward, etc, and I told her, "Honestly, I feel like I'm doing this life wrong.  I can't remember how to connect with people or how to be interesting.  I feel like I'm either trying too hard or not trying hard enough.  All the people who talked to me on the first Sunday have moved back to their normal lives.  Either they haven't discovered me yet, or they didn't love what they found."

My VT who lives just down the street from us has some aversion either to me or to leaving her house, I'm not sure which.   She texted me last week and said, "Are you home?  I just realized it's the last day of the month and I haven't even visited you so I made some cookies."  I was so excited that she was coming by.  Even a couple of minutes with someone standing on my doorstep would have been awesome.  But when the doorbell rang a few minutes later, it was her son with a lovely container of warm chocolate chip cookies and a pretty printed message attached to the top.  I can't even tell you how disappointing that was.  I would have gladly traded in the cookies and the pretty packaging  for a five minute conversation.  

There are a handful of  people from the ward who have found me on FB, and yesterday I thought I recognized a few of them while we were dropping kids off for Youth Conference, but their faces are still a little bit unfamiliar, so I hoped they would say something first.  They didn't.   And in that ocean of people in the Stake Center parking lot, I barely recognized anyone, so I wasn't even sure which ones were from my ward, and none of them talked to me, so I didn't dare talk to anyone either.  What an odd feeling to be standing in the middle of an entire stake parking lot full of members of the church and not recognize a single face.  Then on the drive home, I thought again, "I think I'm doing this wrong.  Maybe I should have tried talking to some of those people in the parking lot."  But which ones would I have picked?  And who even were the youth and who were the parents?  Who even is in my ward and who isn't?  ugh...you'd think I would be better at this after SO many moves.  OR...! Maybe I shouldn't need to talk to people so much.  Maybe I'm too worried about trying to make friends and connect with people anyway.  Maybe I should stop worrying about the whole world and just...what??  I have no idea what should even go in that space...because if you don't connect with other people on the planet, then what is this life even for?!?!

This Sunday, there's a missionary fireside on service and the sister missionaries called last week to ask me to give a ten minute talk on KINDNESS.  I've read two conference talks and seven million scriptures and I still have no idea what I'm supposed to say.  Because at this very moment, I'm not feeling super kind.  I'm mostly feeling forgotten and alone in this new Alabama wilderness.  And I'm wondering what in the heck I'm supposed to do here.  And how kindness is even supposed to begin with me if no one wants to have a conversation with me?  

OK...actually THIS was the best week of my mission!

OH MY GOSH I HAVE THE BEST MISSION IN THE WORLD. It's crazy to me how each week just gets better and better. 

On Tuesday and Wednesday, we had tausch with Wiener Neustadt, and I brought Sister Phelps, a brand new missionary, back down to Graz with me and we had a blast! Just love that girl :) we met with a couple of investigators, did a little finding, and talked up a storm with each other! It was great! 

Wednesday night we went to the last FHE until school starts again, so we said goodbye to most of the YSA's which was a little sad! 

On Thursday Sister Brinkerhoff and I went over to Chelsea's house and spent an hour helping her get this dumb mattress cover on her mattress so she wouldn't have to pay €400 to the student housing department. Haha...it was so hard, but so funny! We were just jumping around and pulling and pushing, and it finally went on, and we were exhausted! The whole weekend after that was a complete blur to me!! We had a surprise baptism for one of the Elders' investigators in another area, and we met with a bunch of investigators, had a lot of appointments fall through, I have been forgetting to take my iron pills all week so I was a SLUG, and we went to Nadine's marching band competition in a little town far far away that is so beautiful! So much stuff, and so little time to explain it all, but the things that made this week the best week ever were:

1. We got to go to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert in Wien on Sunday night!! 

Our whole zone went (about 30 or so missionaries), President Kohler and his family were there, and a BAZILLION investigators and less active's came!  And I got to see a ton of people from my last area in Wien, and say hi to all the Graz people that came up :) it was so great. And there were so many Americans (the families of the choir) and it made me so happy!!  Americans are so nice :) haha I never realized how much I miss Americans until Sunday!  Sister Brinkerhoff and I decided to wear our dirndls and wow did that cause quite the stir!  I felt like a celebrity, all these people wanted to take pictures of us and asked us if we spoke English (we do) and texted some pictures home to our moms, it was the best!!  

So the concert started at 8:00 and lasted about two hours, and it was the most beautiful concert ever!! During intermission I dragged Sister Brinkerhoff up to the balcony to take selfies with the whole MoTab, and they loved us because we are missionaries and we were wearing dirndls :)  gotta take advantage of these opportunities while I've got a name tag on! 

We heard rumors that David Archuleta was coming to the concert so I decided that my next goal, after my nun selfie goal, was to take a selfie with him! But unfortunately he ended up not coming :( Nadine came to the concert with us, and she loved it!!

2. We received transfer calls on Saturday! Sister Brinkerhoff is staying in Graz and training! She wanted to train really badly so I'm happy for her :) and I will be going to..... Augsburg! In Germany! Haha yay! I will finally be in Germany! I will be serving with Sister Abram and we will be the Munich Sister Training Leaders, so I'm excited! 

My last Sunday in Graz was a pretty sad one, I will definitely miss this place! As much as I want to leave and have a new adventure, these last 7 months have been so wonderful for me! I have made so many lifelong friends here, and I can't wait to come back and visit them with my parents!! I will finally be leaving Wien Zone, so that leads us to the next thing that made this week the best...

3. We had Pday in Wien! The concert ended super late on Sunday night, so we slept over with some of the Wien sisters, and the next morning we got up and headed out early to have the best pday in the history of pdays! We saw castles, palaces, hiked up a giant hill for the best view of the entire city, we went to Praterstern, the amusement park, and rode roller coasters, Ferris wheels, and the tallest flying chair ride in the world! Like the one at Lagoon, only taller :) it was the best day ever, and the best way to end my time in Graz, and in Wien Zone! I will miss this place, but it's on to bigger and better things! I don't know what exactly the Lord has in store for me, but I can't wait!

So this week a member taught me a really cool lesson. She said that when we get a new dress or a new pair of shoes, we always want to show them off and tell everyone about them and wear them all the time and all that stuff, but then as they get older and we get less impressed with them we just stop talking about them and maybe not wearing them as often. She likened this to the gospel. When we get baptized, or converted to the gospel, we get so excited about it and want to talk and share it with everyone and be the best missionary ever, and give them the happiness we have, but that can only last as long as we are LIVING the gospel. When we start to get lazy or complacent and we aren't living the gospel as fully, then we get scared to talk about it, or we don't even care enough to share it with other people. So, I challenge all of you to NOT GET LAZY! It's easier said than done, I know, but don't let yourself just level off and stay there. Continually convert yourself, and live the gospel as fully as you can, so you will have the desire, the courage, and the strength to share it with everyone you know! As missionaries, we can work and work and work and see maybe HALF of the success on our own compared to if we had the help of the members of the ward! Every member is a missionary, so take the responsibility and open your mouth. It WILL be filled! I love you all so much!! :)

Liebe Grüße,

Sister Thunell